Maiden Voyage

It's been awhile since I've had an online journal. I'm a little out of practice.

The last time I wrote in any sort of journal... was two years ago. A lot has happened since then.

But I'm not here to talk about the past. I'm here to talk, ramble and vent.

So... I went to a happy hour last night.... with some people that work in my building. Something has happened to me. I sat there and realized I was way out of my element. Everyone had already been there for at least two rounds... so they were well on their way. The crowd was mostly ladies around my age... maybe a little older... and few middle-aged men.

I should back up... I haven't worked/lived in my new city for very long. Six months maybe. I've become even more introverted, because I don't know anyone and it's hard to make friends as we get older. But I'm monumentally shy as it is. Unless I know you... really know you... you will never know me. I'm quiet and I prefer to hide behind the "librarian" facade.

So... I'm sitting there... in this very chic little bar... with all of these people I am only associated with through work and I am becoming increasingly uncomfortable. Sexual innuendos are flying. Married or single... everyone is flirting with everyone. The jokes are dirty... no one is really talking about anything else... politics... the news... kids... life. It is all centered around everyone's immediate desire to get laid... or brag about their sexual prowess.

Don't get me wrong... I am no prude. Quite the opposite. And I'm not trying to brag. My sexual appetite is high, my view of sex between two consenting adults is healthy and I'm open to just about anything... save anything that would cause someone humiliation... and I'm not down with beastiality and I don't want to be peed on... anyway...

I did discover last night, that while I'm not a prude... I'm a total priss. I didn't feel like it was appropriate at all... and when I was propositioned by a "swinging" couple... I took the last sip of my hard apple cider and split.

Is this what happy hour has become among married/divorced/desperate people in their 30s? That question, I'm sure is way too cynical... and would probably piss a few people off... but it seemed to me that everyone there last night was dissatisfied about something in their lives... or the fear of getting old had caused a few of them to act like complete idiots.

And I just couldn't help but think... it's okay to be afraid or want something more than what you have... these are normal human emotions. What is not okay is to throw dignity out the window and tell the woman sitting next to you what your favorite sexual position is, when you're wearing a wedding band... and the woman sitting next to you is the woman you will be riding in the elevator with the next morning.

So... I got home early. I have a good man at home. He was outside shoveling the snow so that I could pull into the driveway easily and not break a hip walking to the front door. The monkeys were showered and playing in their room... waiting for "Nacho Thursday" to begin... a tradition they look forward to every week because it's the one night during the school week that they are allowed to watch TV... and eat in the living room. Anyway... he held my hand and walked me to the door... kissed my cheek and asked how the happy hour went.

"It was fine," I said. Some things are better left unsaid. I don't need to brag about my sexual repertoire... he knows.
And that's all that matters.

Next Thursday... I'll be enjoying a big plate of nachos while I watch my kids laugh at "Rolie Polie Olie".

That is quality entertainment.