Master Cleanse

My New Year’s Resolution this year was to simplify my life on every level.

I made a list of tangible and intangible things that I felt were in desperate need of simplification.

The tangible was obvious… because I have collected a lot of crap over the years… and it resides in my basement in boxes, in my closets, drawers, cabinets… hell, I’ve even purchased furniture like sideboards, shelves and linen chests to accommodate all of my crap.

So… little by little… I am whittling away at the things that are tangible. I’m having a garage sale in a couple of weeks. And I can tell you, collecting crap is a whole lot more fun than getting rid of it.

But what I have found has made the most difference in my simplification process… are the things others can’t see. My husband and I gave up fast food almost a year ago… mostly as a conscience effort to thumb our noses at Corporate America… but also because of what processed foods do to our bodies.

We’ve gotten fat and lazy, America… just the way Washington likes us.

I won’t ever eat at Mickey D’s, Burger King, Subway, Starbucks or any number of restaurants that are not independently owned and operated… because I am a true capitalist… and I vote with my dollar. Which is why Wal-Mart and Home Depot will never see a dime of my money again.

God, I hate Wal-Mart.

But I digress. I have, in the last four months, not only eliminated all fast food from my diet… I have put that effort into my grocery shopping. I won’t go into details… but I have figured out… as a working mom with an incredibly stressful job… that my kids don’t have to eat out of a box or a can… that I can fix convenient foods that use real food… not stuff I can’t pronounce.

Anyway… so I took it to the next level five weeks ago… and became a vegetarian. I had contemplated it for years… and then I watched a documentary about the treatment of animals at corporate farms like Tyson and Pilgrim… and the drugs that they pump into these animals to get them ready for my dinner table would put a crack whore to shame. As a result, humans’ sexual organs are developing faster and girls are menstruating much earlier than our mothers and grandmothers (from the hormones) and we are becoming sicker (from the antibiotics) with stuff like heart disease and digestive cancers.

So… I vowed never to eat meat again. I still eat dairy and eggs… but they are from free range animals. No hormones or antibiotics. And I noticed a difference in my energy level and weight right away. And it has done wonders for our grocery bill!

I wanted to start documenting this change in my life. I have made a lot of changes to my diet and the way I cook in the last few months… and I have already noticed changes… in myself and my kids.

So… then I started researching “toxic cleansing.” I did something like it about ten years ago… it was called a colonic. Yeah… I did it once. But I knew when I did it that it was a good thing… but fear of crapping your pants at work can be very traumatic.

I started a fast. It’s called the “Master Cleanse.” It’s basically a very healthy way to start over… get all of the bad stuff out of my body that’s been sitting in there for who knows how long. It’s going to take commitment. It lasts a minimum of 10 days… drinking herbal teas and a special lemonade concoction (that actually tastes good).

I’m told I will probably see some pretty nasty stuff in the toilet as the days go by… but I should expect to lose two pounds a day… my allergies will go away… and my back and neck (where I keep all my stress) will be as limber as when I was a kid.

I will keep you posted… and I’ll probably write a lot more… since I won’t be eating. 